What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 14:00
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
This is soul school!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was seconnd youngest,
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
When Kundalini is awakened accidentally, what can be done?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My family never makes their pension either.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But it wasn’t much.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why did i forgive my father ?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Is it possible for the U.S. government to get rid of the constitution for national safety?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She loved him until the end.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I dreamt my mother had died and I cried so much in my dream. What does it mean?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
How conservative the Japanese people really is? And the government?
She married twice! .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Jets from black holes J1405+0415 and J1610+1811 - BBC Sky at Night Magazine
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
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One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
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As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I never cut or harmed myself..
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Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Why is Nickelback known to be a bad band?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We were not on the streets..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I write beautiful poetry .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I think the readers, may guess!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What did i know ?
She wouldn,t have been !
Put me off passion for life!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He knew the spot.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We all went to grammer schools
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So, i spoilt her more .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She found it foreign!.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Comes on , in middle age.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But, we were locked up after school.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She was in good health!
One cannot live in the past .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was 9 years of age.
So whats the point in blame.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I said to her
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Who then, do I blame.?
My life is so biszare .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And i lived it daily.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Would this be the day?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I waited trembling.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was scared of men, in general
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
All the time i was locked up.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I have no regrets .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
When she asked me how she looked .
I was very sick at this time too.
Ive learnt so much.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I will be 64.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
It was going to be , some day.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I don,t even have a pension.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I know ,a lot about trauma.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im still living with it.